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Can't Ever Hold Me

2400 | Barbara/Cassie | NC-17 (KB: consent play)






Cassie screws up her mouth. “So you think about this a lot,” she says carefully. She won’t look Barbara in the face. Her skin feels hot and cold at the same time. It’s easier to look at Kara and pretend that this conversation isn’t happening.

Barbara sits up. They’re staying in Wayne Manor. The League is out of town, and Dick is off on a mission. As long as no one asks the obvious questions, Wayne Manor is opened to them. Cassie kind of likes it. And she kind of loves being able to hang out with Babs and Kara when the rest of the female league isn’t around. They don’t make her feel like she’s baby, despite the fact that she’s almost eighteen. She’s almost old enough to join the League for real now, like Kara.

“You guys wanted to know my darkest fantasy, and that’s it. I know some of the other normals think about it.” Barbara chews her lip, then shrugs. “I know Dick does, but it’s a little weirder for a guy, I think, to think about someone--”

“Someone raping you,” Kara says, and her face is clouded over. “You can’t think it’s hot, Babs.”

Cassie shifts uncomfortably. “I can’t imagine someone doing that to me,” she whispers. It’s not that she’s never have a moment of thinking it could happen. She’s the daughter of Zeus, but that doesn’t mean that when she meets a man strong than her that she doesn’t have a flash of what could happen.

“I wouldn’t think it was hot if it was Killer Frost or the Riddler, no, because that wouldn’t be about sex at all. That would be about power, and that’s just gross.” Barbara pushes her hair back from her face. “But like Raven? She could use her shadows on me, and I know that if I really wanted to stop, she’d stop. Because I trust her.”

“So the trust is hot,” Kara says, and it’s not like she believes it. She’s rolling it over in her head. “And the powers.”

“The powers are secondary, but it’s kind of a spice.” Barbara sighs and leans back. “I refuse to think this is any grosser or more demeaning than your thing for pretending to be a dog. It’s just... a fantasy. I can’t even know that I like it; I just... fantasize.”

Kara’s face is dark, and Cassie knows she’s thinking about Power Girl. She’s got her own issues about people taking without consent. Barbara doesn’t seem hurt, just exasperated.

Then Cassie looks at Barbara, really looks at her. She’s in her pajamas like they are, an old Gotham Academy t-shirt and sleep shorts that probably belong to Dick. Cassie tries to imagine her vulnerable and scared, and it’s hard to do it when she’s not in costume, when she’s just Barbara Gordon and not Batgirl.

It’s hard to imagine her scared or struggling even now.

Kara shakes her head. “See, I know I can’t actually be someone’s dog. You can’t know no one will ever rape you.”

And just like that, the conversation is closed.

*


But not forgotten. They go on missions, and Kara and Barbara are weird around each other for a while. Dick almost gets killed, and then Barbara is weird around everyone for a while, her shoulders tense.

Cassie watches her, and she still can’t understand it. She can’t see how Barbara could want to be held down like that, but it’s in her head now. When they spar, she’s thinking about it. When Barbara is arguing with Dick and Tim, she’s thinking about it. Over dinner with the entire team, it’s in her head, and she can’t help thinking about it before she goes to sack out.

She kind of wishes someone was there to hold her own hands down, to keep herself from imagining holding Barbara down.

Finally, though, she sits down across from Barbara in the mess hall (she misses the tiny kitchen in Mount Justice, how cozy things are) and waits for Barbara to look up at her. “Cassie?” she asks. She blacks out her tablet, so she and Nightwing are probably working some secret op. The whole Batfamily is too damned secretive by half. It’s only because Impulse couldn’t keep his mouth shut that their names are declassified at all.

“So, about what you said, when we slept over at the house we don’t talk about,” she says, and her hands feel kind of twitchy. “Do you think that you’d want to try it?”

Barbara’s face clouds for a minute, and then she looks around the cafeteria. No one is paying attention. No one ever does. “You?” There’s a twist to her mouth that Cassie hates. It’s the start of the “Oh aren’t you sweet.” Cassie is a superhero and the daughter of Zeus, trained by Wonder Woman. She isn’t sweet.

“I could try it.”

“Cassie, I love you, but--” Cassie reaches out and pushes Barbara’s hand to the table, leaning into it. She doesn’t try to hurt her, but Barbara is only human strong. She can’t escape.

“I could try it,” she says again, and she leans just a little closer. “I want to try.”

Barbara nods, and her eyes are much too wide under her cowl. “Okay. We’ll need to figure out some details, but okay. You’ve made your point.”

*


For a month straight, any time they set a time, there’s an emergency. At least one of those is a mission that shakes most of them, and Barbara leaves her window open so Cassie can come watch Lifetime movies with Babs on the couch. No one feels like trying anything sexy after scrubbing that much blood from their uniforms.

Six weeks later, though, nothing bad happens. Cassie watches Barbara through her windows. The shades are up, so Cassie can watch her go from the kitchen to her bathroom and then her bedroom, like she’s really getting ready to go to sleep. She’s wearing a nightie, something soft and frilly and totally unlike Barbara.

Cassie watches Barbara curl up in bed, and then she goes to the kitchen window. It’s the only window that’s unlatched, and she slips inside. There’s a note by the fridge about how to arm the security system, and this month has been weird enough that Cassie does it without questioning. She thinks it’s maybe a little paranoid, but hey, who trained Barbara?

She doesn’t touch the floor until she’s in Barbara’s bedroom, and then she lets the floorboards creak so Barbara sits up straight in bed. “Who are you?” Barbara says, and she has wide eyes, scared. Her normal surety has slid away.

“It doesn’t matter who I am,” Cassie says. They don’t have a script, but Barbara gave her a list of ideas as to who Cassie could be. “Evil Wondergirl” is a little too close to something that could happen, so she’s a thug, a meta human for hire. “It matters who you are, Barbara Gordon.”

Barbara shakes her head. “I don’t understand. I haven’t done anything.”

Cassie walks to the bed, cracking her knuckles like all the good thugs do. She feels silly, but up close she can see that Barbara’s frilly nightie is mostly see-through, her nipples dark shadows under the thin fabric. Her breathing is heavy, exaggerated, and it should be funny except Cassie can’t look away.

“I don’t know, doll,” she snarls. “I know what I’m told, and I’m told to rough you up.” Cassie uses maybe just a little bit of flight to bounce of Barbara’s bed, covering her mouth with one hand because she knows Barbara is going to scream.

She squeezes Barbara’s wrist in her other hand. “You feel how strong I am? I’m going to let you go, and if you scream, I’m going to wrap my hands around that pretty neck and see how you scream with your throat crushed.”

Barbara’s eyes are huge and blue when she nods. Cassie lets go of her mouth, and she whispers, “I’ll be good,” in a tiny voice that Cassie can’t recognize.

Cassie smiles again, and she tries to make it mean. She pushes the blankets back. “No panties, Barbara? Oh, what would your daddy say?”

The nightie is so short that it barely covers Barbara’s thighs and Cassie pushes it up at first, like she wants a better look at Barbara’s cunt. Barbara tries to push it down weakly. “Please,” she says, and her hands flutter like birds.

Cassie hesitates, gripping the fabric in one hand. She knows it would rip easily; she can feel the weakness of the fabric. She glances at Barbara, and she sees the small smile on Barbara’s lips before she gives the tiniest of nods.

Cassie rips the nightie off of Barbara and leaves her bare, clamoring to cover herself. She won’t scream because Cassie touches her lips. “I can do that to you,” she whispers before she pulls at Barbara’s legs and gets her stretched out on the bed. She ignores the way her own body tightens at seeing Barbara like this, naked with a flush going from her stomach to her chest. She’s pale and gorgeous, and Cassie knows without question that she wants to see Barbara like this again.

Barbara tries to kick, but it’s like she’s never learned out to fight. Cassie just holds her legs until the struggle leaves her, and she’s turning her face away. “You are a pretty one,” she whispers. “Freckles everywhere.” She smoothes her hands up Barbara’s thighs and stomach, to her breasts. “And a natural redhead, my my.”

“You don’t have to do this,” Barbara whispers, her eyes sliding closed. Cassie’s fingers flick over Barbara’s nipples, teasing them until they’re hard from the air and her touch.

“No. I want to do this,” Cassie says, and then she forces Barbara’s legs open. She’s wet, and it’s kind of a shock, despite knowing that Barbara wants this. “And you want me to.”

She leans closed and pushes a finger into Barbara. She’s tight but warm, slick, and Barbara cries out, a little choked sound when she realizes that she’s supposed to be quiet. Cassie grins. “You want me to fuck you, don’t you?” she murmurs, watching Barbara’s hips start to move. “You want to be all spread and pretty for me. You’ve probably been waiting for someone to come see you like this, in your sexy little nightie. You wanted them to see your body didn’t you?”

Cassie pushes another finger into Barbara, and Barbara is murmuring, “No, no,” like it’s a prayer, but she can’t keep her act going, her voice turning to a soft moan when Cassie brushes her clit with her thumb.

“That’s what I thought,” Cassie says, pinching the inside of Barbara’s thigh. “You want it.”

She gets off the bed to strip off her own clothes. There’s a harness by Barbara’s bed that’s already tightened for Cassie’s body, and a dildo beside it. It’s huge and thick, and Cassie almost giggles to see it, but Barbara set it there and Barbara wants it.

Barbara watches her get into the harness. “Please,” she says, and Cassie shivers because she can’t tell if this is acting, if it’s a “please” to stop or if it’s a “please” to fuck her. She fiddles with the dildo a bit, accidentally turning on the vibrator twice, before she realizes that the small knob at the end is for her. Her face heats up.

They hadn’t really talked about what Cassie was going to get out of this, not as much as they had Barbara. This is what Barbara wanted, after all. She looks at the dildo and then at Barbara. Barbara raises her eyebrows, and they have words to stop this, but.

She’s already hot, flushed, from watching Barbara struggle. The dildo buzzes pleasantly in her hand, and she wants to feel it inside her while she’s fucking Barbara through the mattress. Yeah, yeah she can do this.

Cassie gets the harness on, shivering at how the end feels inside her. She squirms against the vibration, but she can’t escape it. “Ask for it,” she tells Barbara, spreading just a little lube around the dildo. “Beg me to fuck you.”

“No,” Barbara says. Her eyes are open, defiant.

Cassie presses the dildo to Barbara’s stomach, so she can feel the vibrations. She grabs both of Barbara’s wrists in one of hers, pressing them against the bed. Barbara makes a small pained sound. “Do you want to see what I can do to you? You can feel how strong I am. Now beg.”

Barbara lets out a shaking breath, and Cassie presses just a little harder, just enough that it probably really hurts, but Barbara isn’t phased. “Please,” she says, and she has her eyes squeezed shut. “Please fuck me. I want it. I want you to fuck me.” Her tone is flat, but it’s what Cassie asked.

“Good girl,” Cassie murmurs, and she slides inside Barbara with one smooth trust, making Barbara’s eyes snap open. She gasps and cants her hips, and Cassie wants to say that she’s effortless with the strapon, with the piece vibrating inside her, but that would be a lie. Her hips stutter and she wriggles and tries to fuck Barbara as hard as she can. It’s difficult, and Barbara’s thrashing under her make it harder.

But it’s worth it, to watch the flush spread up over Barbara’s chest and onto her neck. She’s moaning openly now. She moves her arms like she wants to touch Cassie, but Cassie keeps her pinned.

Cassie feels so close when she breaks down to start touching Barbara’s clit, to make her come. “You’d better come from my cock,” she hisses. “I want to see you. You love this, don’t you?” She slams in again, and Barbara’s eyes roll back into her head, a low groan shaking out of her. She’s shivering and loud, and Cassie wishes she could actually feel Barbara’s body tightening around her while she comes.

She doesn’t last long after Barbara’s show, slumping on top of her. “Fuck,” she murmurs, fumbling with the vibrator to turn it off. It’s too much after she’s come.

Barbara laughs, helping Cassie get the dildo off. She’s loose limbed and smiling, curling against Cassie. “You should stay the night,” she murmurs. “So we can talk about it in the morning.”

Cassie smoothes Barbara’s sweaty hair back away from her face. “I’d like that,” she says. She reaches down for one of the discarded blankets. She’s still thrumming from her orgasm, still a touch too sensitive, but Barbara is small and warm against her side. It doesn’t take long for Cassie to drop off to sleep.

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June 2013

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